Thursday, May 31, 2012

Change is in the Air

It's beautiful outside tonight.  Each time I step outside - to shake out a tablecloth, to toss out a bouquet of flowers, to recycle - I stop and admire the beauty of the evening.  I walk by the swing set wishing the boys were in Columbia with me, playing on it.  I pass by a spot where the boys once sat and played happily in the yard.  I see happy moments in every corner of our yard and feel the warmth of my family around me.

But that is not how life has felt lately.  Life has felt lonely, busy, and sometimes empty.  So much harder than I thought it would be when Casey moved out 6 months ago for his new job.  I cannot help but briefly lament the happy family fun filled days we 'gave up' as my life turned into a constant shuffle of caring for the kids alone, learning to cook, working at school then teaching at home, and cleaning constantly while maintaining a house for sale.

Thankfully, I developed a routine to 'get by'.  Some days were tinted by sweet moments with the children while others were hard from morning til night.  Sometimes I felt strong while other times I was embarrassed at my inability to 'handle it all'.  My usual high expectations for myself dwindled as I felt disappointment in myself in every area of my life.

Yet the beauty of this evening reminded me that in a few short days, I will begin the next chapter of my life.  Although it is a bittersweet closure to a rewarding chapter of my life as a teacher - leaving friends, coworkers, students, and a career I love - I look forward to the next big plan God has for my life.  And even though we aren't there yet, I know that God will carry us through this transition time.

So for now, I am reveling in the experiences I have had thus far in my life and picturing the beautiful life God has planned for us ahead.  Because soon my family will be reunited.  We will spend everyday together again.  We will hug, kiss, laugh, be silly, play games, watch movies, cuddle with the kids, play with puppets, and simply enjoy each other's presence everyday again.

This nightmare will come to an end and our new life will be as beautiful and refreshing as the evening air.  And I simply can't wait!

Fall 2011

Please continue to pray that our house will sell within the next few months!