Today was a beautiful day. From the hospital window, I had not realized its beauty. When Casey got off work and came to the hospital, I asked him to sit with Christopher so I could simply go on a walk to the hospital waterfall with Michael. He loves the water! Before this afternoon, I had not been outside since Wednesday (and those were rainy days). When I finally got out today, it seemed so new and fresh and BEAUTIFUL. As I walked up the path with Michael, I couldn't help but feel a little anger and sadness. "Such a beautiful day stolen from me and my family." I know this was not very positive, but after 10 more days in the hospital, it is getting harder to balance patience and understanding with downright frustration. After convincing myself that it would be more productive to enjoy the warm sunshine with Michael, he and I had a blast.
Michael, Michael, Michael. I have missed him so much! Sometimes I worry that he realizes more than we give him credit for. I've noticed that he babytalks asking for "mama" sometimes and that he is very clingy to me. Despite everything, he is the best brother EVER! Today, Christopher was sitting in a little car and fussing. I told Michael to push him around the room a little and instead, he pushed him straight to me and said, "I'm pushing him to you so you can pick him up - he's crying" in a sweet caring voice. He was so excited to see us that he never napped and became quite grumpy. I hope we can get back into a regular routine soon so that he can have a normal life again. Luckily, I know he had a fantastic time in Spartanburg with my parents. I never had to worry about him even though I wish with all my heart that I would have had more time to think about him and his needs. I'm sure I'll spend some extra time these next few weeks doing fun activities and having special moments with him to make up for it :)
Christopher ~ sweetness. The nurses all LOVE him and word spreads quickly that he is sweet and cute. We know a lot of the nurses here on the 3rd floor, but we have actually had several new ones over the last few days. Luckily, he isn't really taking many meds or having many problems so they mostly leave us alone and see him as an "easy" patient - trust me, he's been the needy one before too - especially in the PICU. I finally feel like I can say Christopher is back to himself though. I haven't felt that way since JANUARY! It is a great feeling. He is certainly hard to contain in a hospital room, but I am glad to see him standing, cruising, and playing. He has also been picking up some new habits - good and bad. Teeth gritting: BAD. Tongue clicking: ADORABLE. Laughing at and with me: HEARTWARMING. Cruising furniture: EXCITING. Clinging to me constantly: good AND bad. I am so happy to see him making advancements considering all of the setbacks he has had the last 2+ months.
I am praying to go home soon. This is taxing on our family in SO many ways. Christopher will probably require constant attention when we get home as well. I have been feeding him every 2 hrs or less to meet the doctor's goal of 32 ounces! That's tough! I was thrilled that he ate 36 ounces today and even some bananas. He still has food aversions, but I was able to tempt him with bananas off a straw today (don't ask me why he liked the straw! I do whatever the speech therapist says!). I am wide awake right now because Christopher is on the bed next to me. I guess the crib was too far away from me. How can I say no to that precious face?
Another day at the hospital...
Stacy <>< Wiley