Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Empty handed...

I just went to the store to buy Mother's Day cards and left 30 minutes later empty handed. Why, you ask? Well,

1) How do you use the restroom with a baby in a carseat? I wasn't too interested in squeezing in and sitting him on the floor.

2) I had one of those "emotional moments" that I randomly and secretly have since coming home from the hospital. Even though Christopher is FINE and doing well, I still worry about him a lot. If I don't get a response to an e-mail or call from Casey midday, I begin to worry that he is gone to the daycare, doctor, or hospital, and is trying not to "worry" me at work. Illogical ~ I know in my mind ~ but I still worry. The funny thing is, I was a laid back worry-free mom before this all happened. Now, I am worried right up until the point I see him happily in front of me. When he isn't feeling well (teething grump the last few days), I am uneasy. I can remember the feelings I had when Casey didn't want to worry me at work yet Christopher was seriously ill at home and headed to the doctor. Or when I couldn't contact him at the doctor's office or the hospital later that day since we only have one cell phone. I re-live it in my mind worried it will happen again. Today was one of those "worry" days. And yet I try to convince myself to get past it because he is FINE. But I still worry. I think only time will make my worries subside.

Reading through Mother's Day cards talking about "you're the kind of mom that puts her children above dirty dishes, piles of laundry, etc., etc." hit close to home over the last few months and brought out all of these emotions.

3) Finally, how do you sum up your Moms and Grandmas in just one card? And what do you do when you want so badly to buy a card for a mom who has passed away? And how many more Mother's Days will you have with your Moms and Grandmas? And will you be the kind of Mom that deserves these special messages one day?

There was simply too much emotion in this Mother's Day card shopping experience. Better luck tomorrow!

Stacy { <>< }

1 comment:

Amanda said...

I have worry days and moments and I haven't gone through anything like you have! Zoey is over 20 months old now and I still look into her room to make sure she is breathing. Hopefully time will help the dreaded feelings of worry, which I know are still so new, but you will never not worry.

I don't like getting mother's day cards much. I like to let Zoey get messy and make her own. Last year we did finger paint pictures for Mother's day cards. It was an adventure, but all the mothers/grandmothers loved them.

You are a great mom! I still pray for you and your family. Have a great week! God Bless!